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Why Do I Bother?

A claustrophobic and sterily lit apartment
A game about depression, anxiety, and deadlines

When life is beating down on you, why should you bother?

In Why Do I Bother, you play a game designer participating in their first game jam. You know what you want to make and you have the tools and know how to do it, so what's stopping you? Oh that's right, life. Your depression and anxiety are acting up and you only have so much energy to expend throughout the day and there's a lot that needs to get done. As you wake up to the morning sun and enter the main area of your cramped one-bedroom apartment you see dishes that need washed, laundry that needs to be done, mail that needs to be read, and floors that need to be vacuumed. Before you can even finish your household duties, you pass out and wake up to even more work that needs to be done.

This game was something that hit very close to home for me and, as I'm sure many have guessed, completely happened. I was getting ready for Ludum Dare 49 and the theme was "instability." I knew exactly what I wanted to make and how to make it, but I could barely get out of bed. By the time I would get through cleaning up my apartment, eating, and doing the basic things to survive, I would be exhausted. On the second day I asked myself, why do I even bother? I was ready to quit college, quit making games, quit trying. At that point I realized I was living the very theme I was trying to emulate. I rounded up enough energy drinks to keep a whole family awake for weeks and started working.

This is the product of that sleep-deprived gauntlet of coding, gray-boxing, and chain-smoking. I hope you all enjoy.